It’s only been a year since I stepped into this role and life’s been a whirlwind ever since. Just the other day, I was thinking how busy my life has become, what with having to juggle a career with a child. All of a sudden life’s become about future plans, monthly expenses, and how my child’s well being fits into all of it.
To be quite honest, I wasn’t prepared for this whirlwind. And no matter how much others tell you about motherhood, nothing can prepare your for it. Not till you actually become a mother yourself. It’s not just caring for another living person, it involves ensuring their good upbringing, health, safety, and securing a good future for them. Not only do you become more aware of the little things that you used to ignore before (like your carefree independent existence before the baby), but you also become very observant. For e.g. so many times I just observe other kids and their behavior and always keep telling myself how I won’t let that particular trait develop in my child and how I’d try to inculcate this particular habit in her. So many times I’m gripped with fear when I think what if something happens to her while I’m away at work. What if she climbs those steps while no one’s around, or what if she puts that coin in her mouth while no one’s looking. It’s like, at the back of your mind, you’re constantly fretting over how you have a 100 things to do and so many of them just revolve around your child.
But here’s the upside. Nothing can beat the feeling when you go home and find her sitting on the mattress watching Baby TV. The expression of intense concentration one minute, replaced by a sudden surge of energy the next, that makes her bounce on the mattress. Or when she’s extremely sleepy and snuggles up into you, sucking at her thumb for solace. Or when she turns round and round standing at the same spot and falls when dizzy. Or when she goes through the pages of her book as if she knows exactly what’s written on each page. Or when you walk into the room and she comes running to you with her face beaming with a beautiful smile and you snatch her up in your arms and whirl around in a circle, both of you laughing. Or when she calls you ‘Ma!’. Or how one can literally sit for hours watching her play, or listen to her baby talk.
Being a parent is not easy. It’s the most difficult job in the world. But, the joy it brings is unmatched. I’d like to quote the lyrics of a famous Strings song here:
Dekhein mujhe jab wo ankhein men kho jaun
In ankhon k raste men us k dil main samaun
Kuch keh na paun usay men kuch sun na paun
Us k bina mera jeewan jesay koi soona gaun