It’s so amazing how, when you’ve had children, everything in your life seems to revolve around them. I can’t help but remember the time right after I got married, when I was gripped by this fear of losing my life partner and how it used be my worst fear. Even though it still is, now I’ve got another bigger, worst nightmare. Guess what it is? The fear of something bad happening to my child (God forbid!). I don’t know if I’m paranoid or if others feel this way too, but my every conscious/subconscious thought is somehow related to my child. What she might be doing at any particular point in time. I know that my paranoia is amplified by the fact that I’m a working mum who has to spend a substantial part of the day away from her child, but even when I’m home and with her, she’s the center of my attention. Literally all the time. When I’m with her, I have to make sure I never let her out of my sight. I don’t let her stay at her uncles’ place for more than half an hour. I’ve to make sure I wrap up all my chores while she sleeps and when there are none and I could very well use her nap time to snooze myself, I just keep worrying about what she’ll eat when she wakes up and that I should have it ready before then.
Parenting is a big deal. It’s a really big deal and you only realize it once you become a parent yourself. It completely changes the way you look at things. I happen to take it very seriously. So seriously that sometimes I look at other mums and wonder how easily they’re managing. And I wonder, is being a parent really that easy? If yes, then there must be something wrong with me. For me, it’s just the beginning. Every stage of your child growing up brings its own set of challenges and sometimes I think, will I be able to manage? I think about my own mother and feel so much respect for her when I recall my own childhood and how amazingly she managed everything. When I try to put myself in her shoes I think I would’ve gone bonkers! I just worry too much!
But I’m trying to manage my fears by thinking positively. I tell myself that worrying too much or taking things too seriously would only make me go crazy without bringing about any improvement. So let’s just push the negative thoughts out and work towards achieving the good things. I know my mother is super-mom and I salute her for that but I don’t have to compete with other parents. That’s the only way I’ll be able to keep my sanity intact and my paranoia in check. That’s the only way I’ll be able to fully concentrate on my child’s well-being.